Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Scheduling is, and is not, my forte


No less than 4 days after passing my qualifying exam, George and I moved to a new apartment. Luckily we moved to a different apartment in the same complex, so it wasn’t as much stress filled as the move down to Houston had been. But all the same, packing and unpacking was a nightmare.

I do love our new place though. We had been living in an upstairs two-bedroom apartment, with the most inconsiderate neighbors I had ever had the displeasure of sharing walls with. I had hoped that we would finally stay in one place for more than a year, but the neighbors were too much of an annoyance. Now we’re living in a two-bedroom townhouse in the same complex, 300 square feet more space, and two (count them, TWO) extra toilets for only $100 more a month. AND we don’t hear our neighbors through the walls. It’s AWESOME.

On top of that, I needed to drive up to the main campus to start the discussion part of my Oregon class. Schedules being what they were for the students and the professor, the class would be incomplete until the summer when the discussions would be finished. The professor (who is on my committee for my dissertation) is a hands on kind of guy, and likes everyone to be present to discuss things. None of this Skype nonsense.

Sigh.

Two days after moving in, I drove up to College Station with another student from Galveston for an 8 am discussion. Which meant leaving at 5 in the morning to make sure that we didn’t hit traffic in downtown. Which meant I was a cranky bitch for the day. Yay.

After that was dealt with, George and I had 3 days to get everything we needed ready for the wedding. I had my final fitting and picked up my dress. I was forever making and adding to my to-do lists. Almost two years of planning and making sure that we had everything ready, and still the last week was one of the most stressful ever (more on that in the next post).

So basically my/our schedule looked like this:

May 1st: Written qualifying exam
May 6th: Final reports for Marine Botany due
May 11th: Oral qualifying exam
May 14th: Grades for undergrads due
May 15th: Moving day!
May 17th: College Station
May 20th: Leave for California
May 22nd: Arrive in Berkeley

I can assure you that I wanted to cry multiple times. Sometimes I did.

Quals


As I type, the ship sways slowly in a circular motion. I haven’t slept a solid 8 hours since Tuesday, and right now it’s 2:22 am on Friday, June 15th. The cruise plan keeps changing and I can’t afford to fall asleep on watch, no matter how much my eyelids droop and my body cries for a caffeine fix. The past month and a half has been nothing short of stressful, exciting and hectic. I’ll get to everything soon enough, but for now I’ll start at the beginning of my 6 weeks of (mostly) hell: Quals.

The qualifying exam is a way for some graduate students who are pursuing a PhD. without having a Master’s degree to bypass that step and say “hey, I’m competent, I can handle my own.” In my department, which is divided into the 4 disciplines of oceanography (physical, geological, chemical and biological), each section provides its students an exam once a year for those PhD. students that do not possess a Master’s. The exam is set by the faculty of the section that the student belongs to (in my case, the biological section), and each year, the faculty members that write questions for the exam changes. Every faculty member is invited to write one to three questions, with the exam totaling 12 questions. Some members can’t be bothered to contribute to the exam, and some contribute the same question every year. The oral part of the exam takes place about a week after the written and, in theory, is based on the incorrect answers from the written.

In theory, the exam tests the material that the student has learned in the 2 years it would take to obtain a Master’s degree, and is based solely on the material of the student’s section. And the faculty can literally ask ANYTHING they feel like. It was this fact that was the cause of most of my stress during my manic study sessions.

The 12-question exam is 4 hours long, meaning that each answer can only take 20 minutes. Granted that given that much time, the answers can’t be very detailed, but that was my first issue with the exam. Going into an exam, not knowing what could possibly be asked, being filled to the brim with information that is just waiting to be vomited onto paper… 20 minutes is not a lot of time to think about what the author of the question is asking for, organize thoughts, and WRITE. Not type. Handwritten answers. I was smart enough to bring a timer with me so I could keep track of myself and be able to answer every question. My suggestion to the faculty for the next person who needs to take the exam would be to either shorten the number of questions or give the person more time. Twenty minutes to answer a question that could be on any subject in the specialized discipline of oceanography is just not fair.

Which brings me to the one question that sticks out in my head, and will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. “Describe the trophic interactions in cold seep environments. What are the primary producers and what is the fixed form of energy they produce?”

My reaction while in the exam room was pretty much “What. The ever-living. Fuck.” In the 2 years that I was taking classes, cold seeps were mentioned probably once and not in much detail. I knew jack shit about cold seeps, but I wasn’t about to just let the points slip away. I needed an average of 7/10 on the written to pass. I wrote about the basics of trophic interactions and how they might be adapted to the environment in question and left it there, mentally cursing the professor who authored it several times over to the fiery pits of hell and beyond.

(See what I mean about being asked anything under the sea?)

The stress and strain I had put on myself for the written exam resulted in one of the worst colds I had ever had. Most people in the office assumed that I was taking a mental health day when I didn’t show up the day after the exam. In reality I was sick as a dog and didn’t want to share my misery with others. That, and I really, REALLY needed to get better for the oral exam that was a week later.

The oral exam, again, in theory, is supposed to discuss the incorrect answers on the written exam and give the student the chance to learn from the mistakes, defend their answers, and move on. But of course, that’s not what actually happened. It turned into a mini-prelim exam. I was asked question after question about my proposal and what might happen in certain scenarios. Given that I have spent the past 2 years both teaching classes and taking classes, I haven’t had the time to work on my project to the degree that questioning faculty seemed to be looking for. But at the same time, I knew that they were looking for the holes in my basic knowledge, trying to figure out how best to help me do what I came to graduate school to do. The worst part was having the proposal be the main focus of the oral, not the exam itself, which is how I prepared, how I was told to prepare.



Despite all of my bitching and moaning, I passed my quals, and I am officially a PhD. student. Some universities and departments allow the qualifying exam to stand for a Master of Arts degree, but unfortunately, mine is not one of them. The bright side is, I know I can do this. The faculty know I can do this. That shiny diploma and hooded gown will be mine.

Monday, April 23, 2012

HOLY FLYING MONKEYS, BATMAN!!

Lots of things have been happening lately, and I really shouldn't be blogging right now because my qualifying exam is next Tuesday and I'm not even remotely ready for it, BUT I wanted to make a quick post becauseeeeeee....




OHMYGOD I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!






It hit me today that in less than a month we will be driving to California, and in 34 days (THIRTY. FOUR. DAYS.) I will be a wife?!?! Until today the whole wedding has been abstract, like "oh yeah, we're getting married."

And then today I dropped off my ring to be replated so it'll look nice and shiny with minimal scratching, and the sales representative was talking about "how I could just wait...oh no, it's actually pretty close, huh?"

*mental math*

HOLY SHIT I'M GETTING MARRIED!


*cue tears of joy and anxiety. but mostly joy and disbelief*

And now this song is going through my head.



With that, I must get back to reading. :)

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The Name of the Game...

... is panic attack! Let's see how many times I have a panic attack between now and May 27th :)

I seriously wake up every morning in a panic about things that have to be done, which are currently:

- Study for quals (written exam is May 1st, oral exam is May 11th)... EEK!!
- Refresh my memory on ecological principles for my field trip to Oregon next week (EEK!!! But that's a good panic... I think).
- Finish wedding planning (and everything that goes with it... EEK!!!)
- Teach students and grade papers for the rest of the semester.
- Get crap ready for moving on May 15th.


It's getting to the point that I almost feel like vomiting all day. Perhaps this will help with the weight loss? Gotta make sure my dress fits though.

I have a hair trial appointment on Saturday morning and I honestly have NO IDEA what to do with my frickin hair. Which is frustrating and disappointing because so few people have my type of hair, it's not like I can look up an actress and stalk her red carpet hair-dos.

Things that I do know:

- Dress is strapless, which probably means down 'do. (Right?)
- I will not be straightening my hair. I don't look like myself and it takes too long. (~ 3 hours. Yes. Three hours.)

That's pretty much all I know. I'm paying $75 for someone to play with my hair and tell me what I can do with it.

The only pictures I can find that are remotely useful are these:



So... yeah. Veil or no veil? Hair accessory? WHAT DO I DO!?!?!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Well, How DID I Get Here?

Do any of you ever have those moments where sometimes you just stop and think about your life, and wonder how the hell time has gone so fast? Yesterday you were getting up and ready for your first period English class in high school and suddenly you're a college grad. I had one of those moments a couple days ago.

I can't even remember what I was thinking about at the time, but it suddenly hit me that I'm an adult. I graduated college. I have my own apartment and car. I cook my own dinners, do my own chores. I'm getting MARRIED for pete's sake. And I have no idea how it happened.

Sometimes I feel like there's so much going on in life, that I'm just trying to get to the next step: gotta graduate high school, gotta go to college, gotta graduate college, gotta get a job. There's a few moments in between where you realize that you just have to stop and appreciate your life. Think about what you've done. It's a very surreal thing, to acknowledge that so many things have happened already.

And this song pops into my head when I have those moments:




Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Evening Musings.

I've been making it a point during the three weeks that I don't have to grade for class to make some significant progress on my dissertation proposal. So far that's going really well. I went home yesterday, took a nap and read for 6 hours. Today was kind of the same deal, but I'm having a lot of trouble keeping focused now. Sigh. So many things to think about!

In reading yesterday, I figured out yet another component that I want to add to my project. I talked to DQ this morning about it and she was very supportive, and it sounds like it's going to work... I'm just getting really tired of reading. I want to write. I have 1.5 papers left to read that I printed out for myself, and tomorrow I was going to type up all of the notes that I made from my readings and finally get down to writing the proposal. But sometimes late at night I get really anxious, and I'm not sure why. There are several possibilities/probabilities:

- Wedding is 88 days away. Commence mental rundown of checklist and stress over what hasn't been dealt with yet.

- Proposal needs to be written by April 1st. At least a draft of it.

- Need to study for qualifying exams. I'm still not sure when these are going to be held. Or what it is that I need to study. But once I get going on the proposal I can get into studying.

- Still need to see my dress and make sure the necessary alterations have been made and it's not completely screwed up.

- The never ending pile of grading that I will have to do.

- I hate being alone during the week. It sucks. But it's also great because I can get a lot of reading done.

- I replaced the catalytic converter in my car a couple weeks ago (read: I spent about $1000 on my car a couple weeks ago) and the check engine light came on AGAIN this morning. I'm really hoping that it's not something horribly wrong... My little car ate all of my tax refund :(

- I'm switching to the dark side. All this week I've needed to have a cup of coffee instead of tea to get started and keep myself awake at least until 2 pm. It's still too bitter for me but I think the Vanilla Bean blend from World Market is nice with some whipped cream :) Makes it drinkable. You know you're getting in deep when you have to up the daily caffeine dosage.

 So that's the window into my head at the moment. Some good things have happened this week though:

- "Poop, while grim;" student dropped my class yesterday. It was the best decision for both of us. He met with the other TA, myself, and DQ and it was apparent that he just had no clue what was going on in the class. So now he doesn't fail anymore and I don't have to spend hours and hours fixing everything that's wrong with his reports.

- George has been getting several job offers! It's nice that he's such a hot commodity and that we'll be financially taken care of after he graduates. I got me a sugar daddy and it's NICE. We can finally comfortably plan a honeymoon (need to figure out where to...) and maybe move to a nicer apartment. Oh, and make some substantial payments on my student loans, but details, details.

- I submitted my first grant application last week! It would be absolutely amazing if I get it, and would be a significant weight off of my chest, but I won't find out until May if I'm accepted or rejected. Fingers crossed!

- I know that I need to work out more, and that I need to make time for it. I'm never really sure where to go or what to do, but it occurred to me this evening that I could swim laps before leaving school during the week. It's an interesting idea, and I think it will give me the activity I need, since I'm either at my desk or on the couch all day if I'm not teaching.


 Woooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

That just happened??

This semester is proving to be very interesting indeed. I finished grading the second set of lab reports for the semester and sent out emails to the students containing their reports with my comments and their final grade. Lo and behold, I get a nasty gram from "Poop, while grim;" whom had earned a 47.

The following is the exchange we had via email:



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Lab Report 2 graded. Please read over the comments and use them to help write your Lab Report 3.

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Dear Allyson,

I feel your grading is a bit harsh and irrational and there are things that must be addressed. My sole intention is to clarify these issues, ask you to be more concise in what you are looking for, and ultimately to email me back on what I can do to improve further reports. 

I do recall you specifically saying our incubation time was till one, which you announced around twelve. If not, then we did did not have an incubation time told to us. I also do not recall what DO stood for, so that was obviously my mistake and should have asked. You also just told us it was at a boat basin, how am I supposed to describe a boat basin to you? I was not there when the sample was collected. I was not quite sure what you were looking for in that part of the report. If you can help with some tips on future reports I would be forever grateful or should I just read your comments and go from there? Thank you.

-K

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Dear K,

As you know, this is a writing intensive course with the objective of instructing you on how to become a better author of scientific material. The grade and comments that you received were reflective of your work and given to help you improve. 
 
As for what I’m looking for when grading, I grade with the rubric, which you have. You should use the rubric as a checklist to make sure that you have addressed everything in your report. If you are unsure of how to write a scientific lab report, there is a folder on eLearning with tips, in addition to the section in the lab manual about scientific writing and the Writing Center in CLB. During the incubation period in this week’s lab I will be going over some comments, tips and suggestions for writing lab reports.
 
As for the comments you have above: It is not my responsibility to provide the exact incubation time, though it was written in the methods of the lab manual. It is your responsibility as a student to pay attention to the details of your experiment. I announced that the water was taken from the small boat basin. If you were/are unclear about the study site, you should ask. Scientific papers are precise in their description of their study site, i.e. environmental conditions (temperature, weather, salinity if possible) and location of sampling (for example, in the report it would be Texas A&M University at Galveston small boat basin in Galveston, TX). 

In reading your report, it appears to DQ and me that you did not understand the experiment or the processes behind it. If by the end of the lab session you are unsure of anything regarding the experiments, please ask, preferably before the report is due. 

If you would like additional recommendations or comments I am happy to provide them. If you would like to neglect my advice your grades will reflect that.

Regards,

Allyson

-------
Thank you. I try my best. And I will keep trying my best, hopefully you and DQ will see that. 


End.----





Okay. I'm sorry but I would NEVER, EVER have talked like that to my TA. Who the hell does this kid think he is? Does he think I don't talk to the prof that teaches the class (and is also my advisor for crying out loud?!)?? I showed DQ his report with my comments on it, and while reading it she repeatedly gasped "What?!" It was very clear that he didn't understand the experiment, what was happening during the experiment, or the basic processes of photosynthesis and respiration. Which I don't understand because this is a SENIOR. LEVEL. CLASS. for which introductory biology and marine biology are prerequisites. 

But the kid has balls, I'll give him that. 

Sorry dude, I can't give you a grade for effort. If I could, it would probably be lower than what you got the first time.