As I type, the ship sways slowly in a circular motion. I
haven’t slept a solid 8 hours since Tuesday, and right now it’s 2:22 am on
Friday, June 15th. The cruise plan keeps changing and I can’t afford
to fall asleep on watch, no matter how much my eyelids droop and my body cries
for a caffeine fix. The past month and a half has been nothing short of
stressful, exciting and hectic. I’ll get to everything soon enough, but for now
I’ll start at the beginning of my 6 weeks of (mostly) hell: Quals.
The qualifying exam is a way for some graduate students who
are pursuing a PhD. without having a Master’s degree to bypass that step and
say “hey, I’m competent, I can handle my own.” In my department, which is
divided into the 4 disciplines of oceanography (physical, geological, chemical
and biological), each section provides its students an exam once a year for
those PhD. students that do not possess a Master’s. The exam is set by the
faculty of the section that the student belongs to (in my case, the biological
section), and each year, the faculty members that write questions for the exam
changes. Every faculty member is invited to write one to three questions, with
the exam totaling 12 questions. Some members can’t be bothered to contribute to
the exam, and some contribute the same question every year. The oral part of
the exam takes place about a week after the written and, in theory, is based on
the incorrect answers from the written.
In theory, the exam tests the material that the student has
learned in the 2 years it would take to obtain a Master’s degree, and is based
solely on the material of the student’s section. And the faculty can literally
ask ANYTHING they feel like. It was this fact that was the cause of most of my
stress during my manic study sessions.
The 12-question exam is 4 hours long, meaning that each
answer can only take 20 minutes. Granted that given that much time, the answers
can’t be very detailed, but that was my first issue with the exam. Going into
an exam, not knowing what could possibly be asked, being filled to the brim
with information that is just waiting to be vomited onto paper… 20 minutes is
not a lot of time to think about what the author of the question is asking for,
organize thoughts, and WRITE. Not type. Handwritten answers. I was smart enough
to bring a timer with me so I could keep track of myself and be able to answer
every question. My suggestion to the faculty for the next person who needs to
take the exam would be to either shorten the number of questions or give the
person more time. Twenty minutes to answer a question that could be on any
subject in the specialized discipline of oceanography is just not fair.
Which brings me to the one question that sticks out in my
head, and will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. “Describe the
trophic interactions in cold seep environments. What are the primary producers
and what is the fixed form of energy they produce?”
My reaction while in the exam room was pretty much “What.
The ever-living. Fuck.” In the 2 years that I was taking classes, cold seeps
were mentioned probably once and not in much detail. I knew jack shit about
cold seeps, but I wasn’t about to just let the points slip away. I needed an
average of 7/10 on the written to pass. I wrote about the basics of trophic
interactions and how they might be adapted to the environment in question and
left it there, mentally cursing the professor who authored it several times
over to the fiery pits of hell and beyond.
(See what I mean about being asked anything under the sea?)
The stress and strain I had put on myself for the written
exam resulted in one of the worst colds I had ever had. Most people in the
office assumed that I was taking a mental health day when I didn’t show up the
day after the exam. In reality I was sick as a dog and didn’t want to share my
misery with others. That, and I really, REALLY needed to get better for the
oral exam that was a week later.
The oral exam, again, in theory, is supposed to discuss the
incorrect answers on the written exam and give the student the chance to learn
from the mistakes, defend their answers, and move on. But of course, that’s not
what actually happened. It turned into a mini-prelim exam. I was asked question
after question about my proposal and what might happen in certain scenarios.
Given that I have spent the past 2 years both teaching classes and taking
classes, I haven’t had the time to work on my project to the degree that
questioning faculty seemed to be looking for. But at the same time, I knew that
they were looking for the holes in my basic knowledge, trying to figure out how
best to help me do what I came to graduate school to do. The worst part was having
the proposal be the main focus of the oral, not the exam itself, which is how I
prepared, how I was told to prepare.
Despite all of my bitching and moaning, I passed my quals,
and I am officially a PhD. student. Some universities and departments allow the
qualifying exam to stand for a Master of Arts degree, but unfortunately, mine
is not one of them. The bright side is, I know I can do this. The faculty know
I can do this. That shiny diploma and hooded gown will be mine.
