Well, How DID I Get Here?

Do any of you ever have those moments where sometimes you just stop and think about your life, and wonder how the hell time has gone so fast? Yesterday you were getting up and ready for your first period English class in high school and suddenly you're a college grad. I had one of those moments a couple days ago.

I can't even remember what I was thinking about at the time, but it suddenly hit me that I'm an adult. I graduated college. I have my own apartment and car. I cook my own dinners, do my own chores. I'm getting MARRIED for pete's sake. And I have no idea how it happened.

Sometimes I feel like there's so much going on in life, that I'm just trying to get to the next step: gotta graduate high school, gotta go to college, gotta graduate college, gotta get a job. There's a few moments in between where you realize that you just have to stop and appreciate your life. Think about what you've done. It's a very surreal thing, to acknowledge that so many things have happened already.

And this song pops into my head when I have those moments:

Evening Musings.

I've been making it a point during the three weeks that I don't have to grade for class to make some significant progress on my dissertation proposal. So far that's going really well. I went home yesterday, took a nap and read for 6 hours. Today was kind of the same deal, but I'm having a lot of trouble keeping focused now. Sigh. So many things to think about!

In reading yesterday, I figured out yet another component that I want to add to my project. I talked to DQ this morning about it and she was very supportive, and it sounds like it's going to work... I'm just getting really tired of reading. I want to write. I have 1.5 papers left to read that I printed out for myself, and tomorrow I was going to type up all of the notes that I made from my readings and finally get down to writing the proposal. But sometimes late at night I get really anxious, and I'm not sure why. There are several possibilities/probabilities:

- Wedding is 88 days away. Commence mental rundown of checklist and stress over what hasn't been dealt with yet.

- Proposal needs to be written by April 1st. At least a draft of it.

- Need to study for qualifying exams. I'm still not sure when these are going to be held. Or what it is that I need to study. But once I get going on the proposal I can get into studying.

- Still need to see my dress and make sure the necessary alterations have been made and it's not completely screwed up.

- The never ending pile of grading that I will have to do.

- I hate being alone during the week. It sucks. But it's also great because I can get a lot of reading done.

- I replaced the catalytic converter in my car a couple weeks ago (read: I spent about $1000 on my car a couple weeks ago) and the check engine light came on AGAIN this morning. I'm really hoping that it's not something horribly wrong... My little car ate all of my tax refund :(

- I'm switching to the dark side. All this week I've needed to have a cup of coffee instead of tea to get started and keep myself awake at least until 2 pm. It's still too bitter for me but I think the Vanilla Bean blend from World Market is nice with some whipped cream :) Makes it drinkable. You know you're getting in deep when you have to up the daily caffeine dosage.

 So that's the window into my head at the moment. Some good things have happened this week though:

- "Poop, while grim;" student dropped my class yesterday. It was the best decision for both of us. He met with the other TA, myself, and DQ and it was apparent that he just had no clue what was going on in the class. So now he doesn't fail anymore and I don't have to spend hours and hours fixing everything that's wrong with his reports.

- George has been getting several job offers! It's nice that he's such a hot commodity and that we'll be financially taken care of after he graduates. I got me a sugar daddy and it's NICE. We can finally comfortably plan a honeymoon (need to figure out where to...) and maybe move to a nicer apartment. Oh, and make some substantial payments on my student loans, but details, details.

- I submitted my first grant application last week! It would be absolutely amazing if I get it, and would be a significant weight off of my chest, but I won't find out until May if I'm accepted or rejected. Fingers crossed!

- I know that I need to work out more, and that I need to make time for it. I'm never really sure where to go or what to do, but it occurred to me this evening that I could swim laps before leaving school during the week. It's an interesting idea, and I think it will give me the activity I need, since I'm either at my desk or on the couch all day if I'm not teaching.


 Woooooooooooooooooooooooo.

That just happened??

This semester is proving to be very interesting indeed. I finished grading the second set of lab reports for the semester and sent out emails to the students containing their reports with my comments and their final grade. Lo and behold, I get a nasty gram from "Poop, while grim;" whom had earned a 47.

The following is the exchange we had via email:

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Lab Report 2 graded. Please read over the comments and use them to help write your Lab Report 3.

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Dear Allyson,

I feel your grading is a bit harsh and irrational and there are things that must be addressed. My sole intention is to clarify these issues, ask you to be more concise in what you are looking for, and ultimately to email me back on what I can do to improve further reports. 

I do recall you specifically saying our incubation time was till one, which you announced around twelve. If not, then we did did not have an incubation time told to us. I also do not recall what DO stood for, so that was obviously my mistake and should have asked. You also just told us it was at a boat basin, how am I supposed to describe a boat basin to you? I was not there when the sample was collected. I was not quite sure what you were looking for in that part of the report. If you can help with some tips on future reports I would be forever grateful or should I just read your comments and go from there? Thank you.

-K

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Dear K,

As you know, this is a writing intensive course with the objective of instructing you on how to become a better author of scientific material. The grade and comments that you received were reflective of your work and given to help you improve. 
 
As for what I’m looking for when grading, I grade with the rubric, which you have. You should use the rubric as a checklist to make sure that you have addressed everything in your report. If you are unsure of how to write a scientific lab report, there is a folder on eLearning with tips, in addition to the section in the lab manual about scientific writing and the Writing Center in CLB. During the incubation period in this week’s lab I will be going over some comments, tips and suggestions for writing lab reports.
 
As for the comments you have above: It is not my responsibility to provide the exact incubation time, though it was written in the methods of the lab manual. It is your responsibility as a student to pay attention to the details of your experiment. I announced that the water was taken from the small boat basin. If you were/are unclear about the study site, you should ask. Scientific papers are precise in their description of their study site, i.e. environmental conditions (temperature, weather, salinity if possible) and location of sampling (for example, in the report it would be Texas A&M University at Galveston small boat basin in Galveston, TX). 

In reading your report, it appears to DQ and me that you did not understand the experiment or the processes behind it. If by the end of the lab session you are unsure of anything regarding the experiments, please ask, preferably before the report is due. 

If you would like additional recommendations or comments I am happy to provide them. If you would like to neglect my advice your grades will reflect that.

Regards,

Allyson

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Thank you. I try my best. And I will keep trying my best, hopefully you and DQ will see that. 


End.----

Okay. I'm sorry but I would NEVER, EVER have talked like that to my TA. Who the hell does this kid think he is? Does he think I don't talk to the prof that teaches the class (and is also my advisor for crying out loud?!)?? I showed DQ his report with my comments on it, and while reading it she repeatedly gasped "What?!" It was very clear that he didn't understand the experiment, what was happening during the experiment, or the basic processes of photosynthesis and respiration. Which I don't understand because this is a SENIOR. LEVEL. CLASS. for which introductory biology and marine biology are prerequisites. 

But the kid has balls, I'll give him that. 

Sorry dude, I can't give you a grade for effort. If I could, it would probably be lower than what you got the first time. 

Life Adventures in 2012 So Far

Howdy doodles!


We survived the trip to California, not much worse for the wear. We didn't get to visit everyone and everywhere that we wanted but overall the trip was a success (and too short, but isn't it always?). We made it back home with our apartment intact, our plants still (mostly) living. I inadvertently killed our basil... apparently you're supposed to pinch off the flowers? The stems transitioned from herbaceous to woody for the most part. Our mint still lives but I think we're just going to start over and have each herb in it's own pot instead of the windowsill box. 


George's sister did us the favor of going to the venue's meal tasting for us, as they were unable to accomodate one for us while we were in the area over the holidays. She sent us her notes and our menu is done! Etiquette says that I need to wait until the 3 month mark to send out invitations (just under 4 months now!) and I'm getting impatient. I've had these invitations since July. Patience is a virtue and I have limited quantities of it. Just ask George. I gave him his Christmas present before Thanksgiving because I was too excited about it. He opened his birthday/anniversary present 4/13 days before the actual occasions. 


Dress is done with alterations, though I haven't had the chance to do my final fitting before taking it into my possession. George ordered his wedding band. A close friend is going to premarital counseling as mandated by the church that's doing the service. After hearing that, I thought "Should we be doing that? Why didn't I think to do it in the first place? What if we don't match up on paper? Ohgodohgodohgod." Thankfully we were able to go through pseudo premarital counseling by asking ourselves these questions (which went very well! We're very excited about the future.) I'm starting to get to the stage of planning where I'm getting sick of planning and I just want the damn thing over with.


Our five year anniversary was last week! It was a very low key day, but it was wonderful :) Our last dating anniversary! This next year is going to be awesome. 


We've been dealing with new neighbors since we came back from break. All of them have the neighborly consideration of a frat house. I've had to knock on each of their doors several times because I can not only hear what they're watching on TV but the bass is so loud that the pictures on our walls shake, and my feet vibrate. I HATE SHARING WALLS WITH PEOPLE. I cannot WAIT to move. Honestly?! Who does that? Why would you have your volume and bass up that loud when you share walls with three different apartments??


I'm applying for several scholarships, one of which is very distinguished within NOAA and the Office of National Marine Sanctuaries. It would fund the remainder of my graduate career and would make life OH SO MUCH EASIER. I came in with a two year scholarship from College Station, and after dealing with the bureaucracy of being a TA in Galveston but taking College Station hours and figuring out who pays for what, I just want to be self sufficient. Fortunately the huge grant I'm applying for sounds like it was written for me, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. I'm also STILL WAITING to hear back from the Office of Graduate Studies on my change of degree from Master's to PhD. Even though they've had the paperwork in hand for weeks. The sooner they process it, the sooner I can submit my grant application and not worry about confusion for technically being a Master's student when I applied, when actually I'm PhD. 


I'm teaching Marine Botany lab this semester and already I can tell that it's going to be interesting. Their first assignment was to pick one of the five scientific articles that we posted to the class website and write a 250 word summary. Now keep in mind that they have access to the rubric that we're using to grade their assignments. THEY KNOW WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR. And still people submitted incomplete assignments. Two of my students very blatantly plagiarized. One of the two submitted a summary with not a single original sentence. Everything, and I do mean everything, was copy-pasted. This same student submitted a nearly perfect paper this past week with everything cited, which sent off red alerts in my head. Something fishy is going on with this student, but I have no proof of anything. 


A couple of my students can't write proper English to save their lives. One of the papers they were given to summarize (which the majority chose) was an article about how whale fecal matter in the upper water column contributes to the nutrients available for phytoplankton to utilize in photosynthesis. The following is an excerpt from a summary submitted by a college senior:


The authors use wishy-washy math and have "conservative" answers eluding their uncertainty. Poop, while grim; this was an interesting take on how it enhances life.




Take a minute to read and let that soak in. 




Still don't understand what he's trying to say? Neither do I. Here's a short list of the few problems I have with this excerpt:

• Since when is math "wishy-washy?" 
• Why are you using the phrase "wishy-washy" when writing a scientific article summary?
• Do you know what the word "eluding" means?
• Why did you say "poop" when writing a scientific article summary? The article clearly references "poop" as "fecal matter."
• "Poop, while grim" is not an independent clause, therefore there should not be a semicolon after it. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do these kids get into college? How have they gotten this far? Why are they trying to make my life miserable? WHY???

(I have the feeling that I'll be asking the question "WHY?????" a lot this semester.)

The "poop" student also submitted his next report with a picture of his grading rubric instead of the document. He could have just copy-pasted the rubric into his report, but instead he took a picture of a printed rubric and inserted the picture into his report. 

WHY????????

Holiday Travels

Somewhere between the relief and ecstasy of being done with finals and excitement of finally going back home, I have managed to completely stress myself out about the actual traveling. Not quite at finals-level anxiety but close. The knot in my chest, resembling an asthma attack, is omnipresent. The endless list of things to do before leaving keeps adding to itself in my head and I can hardly manage to sit still for more than a few minutes. It takes me forever to finally calm my brain down to the point that sleep is possible. In fact, the past couple nights, I haven't been able to fall asleep without the help of medication.

Simply Sleep is awesome, by the way.

The conclusion to the insanity of the past few days? There's simply not enough time over the holiday break for me to give everyone that I want to see a proper visit. There are so many people that I haven't seen in a long time, especially my Momma. The guilt that I feel for not being able to dedicate a significant amount of time into visiting each person that I want to see, in addition to the stress of not having a detailed schedule for the coming week, is overwhelming.

An interesting quirk I've discovered about myself is that I try to make up for not having a schedule by being as prepared for what I know is coming as possible. Like the flights tomorrow, for example. I started packing on Friday, checked us in online as soon as the opportunity was available, paid the baggage fee for our one checked bag, printed boarding passes and checked luggage receipt, printed airport parking confirmations, started packing snacks and lunch, cleaned house, got my oil changed, charged the Kindle, cleaned out my car... Yeah. I've been busy.

Welcome to adulthood and the two-week vacation.

Now, I will have an opportunity to see everyone at the wedding in May. (Meaning I won't have to wait a year to see my family. What?? What is this nonsense???) That does make me feel a teensy bit better.

The obvious solution is I need to move back to California. The question is: when? I guess I should start looking for potential post doc positions.

In other news, we've been discussing what should go into the garden of our eventual house. So far on the list we have:

• Avocado tree
• Clementine tree
• Tomato plant
• Cilantro
• Basil
• Mint
• Jalapeno 
• Pecan tree
• Apple tree
• Bell peppers
• Cucumber
• Garlic
• Onion
• Parsley

I have no idea if all of those things can be grown together in a single climate. Or how much land our dream garden requires. But it would be nice!! Any other suggestions to add to the list?

Done with Finals! FOREVER!

So fall semester is officially done. My requirements for my degree are (almost) done. The classes that will require finals? DONE. No more finals for me. Forever.

FOR-EV-ERRRRRR!!!!

What? Pinkie Pie says it best :)

Things that have changed in the last... 4 months? 

• I'm officially switching from a Master's to a PhD. :) 
• A result of: wanting a PhD eventually and finally figuring out what I want to do and being able to tailor my current project to that ideal. SCORE!

• I will be teaching again next semester. DQ's Marine Botany lab!
• Apparently I'm next in the rotation of DQ's grad students to teach the lab portion of her class. The nice thing is that I won't have to do all of the grading by myself!

• My wedding dress came in and I went for my fitting and supposedly the alterations are done. Woo!
• I was asked if I wanted to wait for the alterations to be done at a later date. I said no. The sooner things can get checked off of my list, the better!

• Lots of wedding details are coming together, thankfully. Trying to get as much done as possible.
• The dress... the tuxes... figuring out the favors... making my veil... the schedule... wedding party gifts, toasting flutes and cake serving set, and staying within budget! That was a very happy order.

• The guest list is by far the worst part of wedding planning.
• I don't think I've said a truer statement.

• Dissertation proposal still not written, but that's my assignment for myself next semester. Oh and taking quals. 
• :-/

I think things are falling into place very nicely! We're leaving for California for the holidays next week (SO. STOKED.) and I actually get to see my hun bun for an entire TWO WEEKS. That hasn't happened since this summer! 

Christmas gifts this year are rather small. While we don't have to pay for the wedding anymore (still feeling the blessings of an amazing family, bee-tee-dubs), we're still kinda in the not-able-to-afford-lavish-gifts income bracket. Sticking to small gifts for the immediate family and baked goodies for everyone else this year. Apparently my gingerbread cookies are a hit! The tin that I brought for my lab mates yesterday was hoovered by the end of the day. The only issue is figuring out how to get baked goodies to the family in California since we're flying instead of driving this year. 

And you know? I keep getting asked by family members what I want for Christmas this year. And while there are things that I wouldn't mind getting, I can honestly say that I'm good without gifts this year. All I want is to spend time with family that I haven't seen in a year, and my wedding is still happening. I'm good. No. I'm GREAT. 

Happy holidays, everyone :)

Roller Coaster Week

The past week has been an emotional roller coaster in the most literal way I can express. I have never experienced so many ups and downs in such a short amount of time, that, honestly I was tipsy from the emotional whiplash and needed to sit down.

Let's start with last Thursday, my birthday. Not a remarkable day as far as birthdays go. It was actually kind of very sucky. The birthday wishes from friends and family, in addition to a nice birthday dinner at the Kemah Boardwalk and a ferris wheel ride (eee!) helped stave off the suckiness until later in the evening.

I had been notified that I would have to take care of my fees for school this year, which isn't much compared to what I had to pay for undergrad. However, when you think that you have a scholarship for the term of your enrollment, and find out that you don't, it's kind of a slap in the face. George wasn't sure that he was going to have funding for this year either, and I could feel this sinking feeling in my gut that something's gotta give. How could I possibly justify to myself that I needed to pay for a wedding, when I've always been the person to put school first? How could I possibly pay for a wedding when we didn't (and still don't) know our funding situation for the year? I couldn't. And neither could George.

So at dinner, we decided that we would cancel our wedding in May so that we could reserve the money for paying for school if needed. As soon as the decision was made, I felt awful (and broke down in tears) but I also felt immensely relieved. Heartbroken emails were sent, canceling what we couldn't use for any contingency plans, and I started thinking about what to do instead.

Elope? I imagined being eviscerated by my mother in numerous ways that made any Fright Night movie look like Disneyland's Haunted Mansion by comparison. Not only that, I wanted her there, whatever we did. We both wanted our families present wherever and whenever we decided to get married.

The brainstorming turned to San Francisco City Hall as we had originally planned, only this time during winter break 2011. We're going to be in California anyways visiting for the holidays, our families would be off from work, and it seemed like the perfect solution. However, work schedules and city hall availability dates were not cooperating. I was screaming to myself and anyone who I was talking to that day

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SIMPLER, DAMMIT!!!


I was almost in tears (again) when I called my fabulous/gracious/generous aunt to ask for my cousins' winter break schedule. It appeared that nothing was going to work for getting married over winter break. And then she suggested the most mind blowing and generous idea I have ever heard in my life:

"What if your grandma and I took over paying for the rest of the wedding if you can get everything back for the May date?"


(If you couldn't tell, that was the point that I had to sit down.)

I couldn't fathom someone voluntarily taking care of everything. That's a lot of money! It felt like too much to accept. But according to my aunt and grandma, I was going to receive help anyway. I've always been the kind of person to try to take care of things on my own, and I don't like asking for help. It never really occurred to me to ask. Silly? Probably.

I've never been religious by any means, but in that moment, I felt so... BLESSED. I couldn't believe that we were going to get the wedding we wanted and planned for without having to break the bank. I still feel incredibly blessed with such generous and loving family. So unbelievably lucky.

The next 24 hours consisted of me frantically emailing and calling the vendors that we had canceled with, and miraculously everything was still available. No refunds dispersed, contracts still honorable. Like magic, the wedding-date-that-almost-was materialized, as if it hadn't gone anywhere.

A quote that I want to share comes from a conversation with my uncle, explaining the changes:

Me: Well, we were trying to pay for it ourselves...
Uncle: WHY would you do THAT??
Me: Because I'm silly, apparently.


So while my actual birthday was probably one of the worst of my life so far, this year will be great. I can feel it :)

Oh, and I also went on a research cruise for 8 days. The water was a gorgeous cerulean blue and we managed to convince the captain to let us have a "fire drill and man overboard exercise." AKA each of us scientists got to man the fire hose and jump off the back of the boat and swim around for about an hour.

And I almost got pinched by a crab.