Babies!

Okay, so I've been around a couple cute kids in the last month. I love kids. I find them adorable and intelligent and it's so awesome to be able to work with them like molding clay or (as is the case with Connor) Play Doh.

I've always known that I wanted to be a mom. I was the eldest, so I was always the babysitter. When I want to be a mom is a different story.

Desi told me a couple days ago that she had a dream and I was in it (big surprise, haha). It was her wedding, and I was the matron of honor (and I know Neha was a maid/matron of honor as well, though which, I'm not sure). And then she mentioned that I was also hugely pregnant.

It was then that I realized that if I were ever to become pregnant, my initial reaction would be, for lack of a better word, horrified. I guess that's my upbringing, having a young mom, coming from a long line of "16 and Pregnant" sort of family. Becoming pregnant was the worst thing that could happen to a girl, short of dying, I suppose. I was going to say that it would be the worst thing that could happen to a girl still in high school, but then I realized that I still think it's the worst thing that could happen to a woman at any age. Or maybe just me at any age.

It's ingrained in me. I want kids. But the process of getting one (or more??)? Not so appealing.

My mom always told me that she wants better for me, that she doesn't want me to end up like her, that she wants me to be better than her. Well, I'm 22, still not a mom and a college graduate, so I'm already there, in her mind at least. So I guess that's where my reaction comes from.

I'm just not sure how to deal with it. I'm sure the whole "biological clock ticking" when a woman reaches about 30 years of age will probably happen. And that sounds about right. I wouldn't want a kid when I'm still trying to figure out my life, going to school, trying to get a job in a field that I'm genuinely interested in, etc. I could definitely wait 8 more years. Thank god I have cousins who are already parents so I don't get pressure from my grandparents about wanting great grandbabies. George's family on the other hand... I hope they aren't holding their breath.

Is it wrong to have a reflex reaction of horror to the thought of being pregnant?